Archive | March 2013

Feel good today because you deserve it!

Negativity isn’t always bad – realism may help us avoid bad situations, know when enough is enough. I find that without someone looking at the downside we can’t always find an upside. If it weren’t for people finding the bad things we couldn’t prepare for disasters or plan for loss. It isn’t a bad thing to think about what can go wrong. It may be a good thing to be prepared for the worst thing that can happen  but have the confidence that the best can happen. I feel many people expect the worst, so when the worst happens they can say they told us so but if something better happens then they can be pleasantly surprised if not slightly disappointed. Remember, no matter how positive your thought process is there are some things that are outside of your control. So remember, expect the best but be prepared for any bad that may happen. That is why we save for retirement, have insurance, put money away in savings, so we are prepared. When things go great, we feel good and expect things to get better. If things go bad, we need to remember that things will get better, in fact, we should expect things to get better.

If it weren’t for the bad times how could we really appreciate the good times and the kindness of others? If someone is down and needs help, most people that help can relate to how they feel, mostly because something happened in their lives, either to them, a loved one, or a friend of a friend. Compassion is something that isn’t always in someone until they go through a hard time. This helps people create a common bond. It really does help bind strangers when they have a common crisis or past crisis that brought on similar feelings. This is how we can help people, and by helping others we can help ourselves.

Helping others isn’t always black and white. Some people feel that if they only had one thing, usually money, that they can get through a crisis. One of the hardest things is when we have to teach someone to help themselves without giving them the obvious fix. Compare it to someone who is an alcoholic or a drug user, would you give them a quick fix to help them through a tough situation? Probably not, you would want to look at how to fix the problem in the long term, not go for the quick fix. So many people look at the immediate issue thinking it will help them get through the problem now. I see so many people turn to money and think that that is what they need now but this isn’t always the issue. There may be a deeper reason that people are in the mess they are in. I see so many people that they think if they can get a quick dollar that all of their problems will be resolved. However, if someone learns to make the money on their own maybe they can figure out how to take care of themselves for a lifetime. Remember, we learn from our mistakes. We learn who we can trust and who we can’t. I think as we get older we become complacent, and it could make us stagnate. So it pays to try to learn something new every so many years to stay fresh and keep life interesting.

OK, I know I was all over the place but it helps to remember that we need to realize that bad things can happen and that we will need to think about that from time to time. We also need to know that good things can happen and that they happen more often than the bad, and that we need to appreciate them for what they are, good things. Mostly because we overlook the good in our lives because we take it for granted. Sometimes we need to remove the bad in our lives because it continues to suck the good out of our lives. Just because we think of something bad that could happen doesn’t mean it will, it will only mean that when the good happens we will feel so much better.

Feel good today because you deserve it!

Here is my mom and sister, mom has dementia but is doing OK.

Mom Dorann

 

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Another Type of Loss

I have to tell you, it was rough when my dad died. It was something that you know will happen but you don’t want to face until the time comes. However, it made me think that there is more to loss than death. I know there have been people in my life I cared about that just left and I never realized how much I missed them until they were gone. It isn’t always their fault, sometimes I was the one that left for one reason or another, and then after awhile I look back and wonder what have I done. It’s often too late to reconcile, but it still makes you wonder about what could have been. Then you realize that this is what is and if you want to make changes it is up to you to make changes. That’s when I think about how much I want something and how much work I will put into getting it.

However, there is another loss that I never realized until recently. My mother has dementia and it didn’t seem like a big deal at first, but now it’s rough. I feel like I lost here. Just to compare, Alzheimer’s is a form of dementia. It is enough to make someone you love go away. You really don’t know that person any more or know how they will react when you see them. When I visit my mother it’s like gambling. I am hoping I see my mother but it could be a shell of a person or a grumpy angry woman. You never know until you get there. I want to spend time with her but it gets hard to be around her sometimes.

I think this is a loss that is hard to understand until you come face to face with it. It is very hard to deal with and it’s something that I think most people will face in their lifetime. It makes you appreciate what you have and even change your perspective on some things in life. I know that I look at so many things differently and I changed what I value. I think that we get so caught up in day to day life that we don’t see who is important in our lives. It made me reach out to old friends, (thank you Facebook), and try to put differences behind me with family and friends. Every time I see my mom I feel sad because it is so different that just a short time ago, when she was the one we went to for advice, help, or just someone to chat with. She has always been there for me and now it is very hard to understand what I can do for here. We had to put her in a home so someone could watch her 24/7. This is something she never really wanted, but you have to weigh out the good with the bad. She was falling because of her bad hip and she would not eat like she should. It was so much for my sisters to maintain and I lived too far away to be any real help. This is what was best, and it really did help but she is still deteriorating, and it is hard to watch. I wish no one had to go through this but it seems to be very common. No one has come up with a cure or even a decent way to treat the problem. All we can do it try to make her happy but half the time she is somewhere else in her mind, not present. She really doesn’t know what day or year it is. She is 88 and she really doesn’t know that she is 88.

Anyway, I just think that if you can take a few moments today and take some time to be appreciative for some of the people in your life and your health, then that is a good start. Maybe make an effort to tell someone that you care for them, it might make a big difference not only to them but to you years down the road. Please hold on to the good memories and cherish what you have done. It will matter to you as the years pass.

 

Here are some pictures of Mom. I thought you might enjoy these.

Thelma Trudy Thelma W Hammaker Thelma Hammaker IMG_0123 IMG_0127 IMG_0255 Mom Dorann